This is a guest post by Denis Waitley

You are your most important critic. There is no opinion as vitally important to your well-being as the opinion you have of yourself. As you read this, you’re talking to yourself right now. “Let’s see if I understand what he means by that…. How does that compare with my experiences? I’ll make note of that—try that tomorrow…. I already knew that…. I already do that.” I believe this self-talk, this psycholinguistics, or language of the mind, can be controlled to work for us, especially in the building of self-confidence and creativity. We’re all talking to ourselves every moment of our lives, except during certain portions of our sleeping cycle. We’re seldom even aware that we’re doing it. We all have a running commentary in our heads on events and our reactions to them.

Be aware of the silent conversation you have with yourself. Are you a nurturing coach or a critic? Do you reinforce your own success or negate it? Are you comfortable saying to yourself, “That’s more like it”. “Now we’re in the groove.” “Things are working out well.” “I am reaching my financial goals.” “I’ll do it better next time.”

When winners fail, they view it as a temporary inconvenience, a learning experience, an isolated event, and a steppingstone instead of a stumbling block.

When winners succeed, they reinforce that success, by feeling rewarded rather than guilty about the achievement and the applause.

When winners are paid a compliment, they simply respond: “Thank you.” They accept value graciously when it is paid. They pay value in their conversations with themselves and with other people.

A mark of an individual with healthy self-esteem is the ability to spend time alone, without constantly needing other people around. Being comfortable and enjoying solitary time reveals inner peace and centering. People who constantly need stimulation or conversation with others are often a bit insecure and thus need to be propped up by the company of others.

Always greet the people you meet with a smile. When introducing yourself in any new association, take the initiative to volunteer your own name first, clearly; and always extend your hand first, looking the person in the eyes when you speak.

In your telephone communications at work or at home, answer the telephone pleasantly, immediately giving your own name to the caller, before you ask who is calling. Whenever you initiate a call, always give your own name up front, before you ask for the party you want and before you state your business. Leading with your own name underscores that a person of value is making the call.

Don’t brag. People who trumpet their exploits and shout for service are actually calling for help. The showoffs, braggarts and blowhards are desperate for attention.

Don’t tell your problems to people, unless they’re directly involved with the solutions. And don’t make excuses. Successful people seek those who look and sound like success. Always talk affirmatively about the progress you are trying to make.

As we said earlier, find successful role models after whom you can pattern yourself. When you meet a mastermind, become a master mime, and learn all you can about how he or she succeeded. This is especially true with things you fear. Find someone who has conquered what you fear and learn from him or her.

When you make a mistake in life, or get ridiculed or rejected, look at mistakes as detours on the road to success, and view ridicule as ignorance. After a rejection, take a look at your BAG. B is for Blessings. Things you are endowed with that you often take for granted, like life itself, health, living in an abundant country, family, friends, career. A is for Accomplishments. Think of the many things you are proud of that you have done so far. And G is for Goals. Think of your big dreams and plans for the future that motivate you. If you took your BAG—blessings, accomplishments and goals—to a party, and spread them on the floor, in comparison to all your friends and the people you admire, you’d take your own bag home, realizing that you have as much going for yourself as anyone else. Always view rejection as part of one performance, not as a turndown of the performer.

And, enjoy those special meetings with yourself. Spend this Saturday doing something you really want to do. I don’t mean next month or someday. This Saturday enjoy being alive and being able to do it. You deserve it. There will never be another you. This Saturday will be spent. Why not spend at least one day a week on you!

Action Idea: Go for one entire day and night without saying anything negative to yourself or to others. Make a game of it. If a friend or colleague catches you saying something negative, you must put a half-dollar in a drawer or container toward a dinner or evening out with that person. Do this for one month and see who has had to pay the most money toward the evening.

Reproduced with permission from the Denis Waitley Newsletter.
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© 2010 Denis Waitley International. All rights reserved worldwide.

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This is a guest post by Denis Waitley

When I was researching the history of the building of the Brooklyn Bridge as a major illustration for the ideas of success and motivation, I became engrossed with the story of how the first bridge was built over the Niagara River near Niagara Falls. You see, to build a bridge over a giant gorge, first you have to get a line over the canyon, from one side to the other. Easier said than done at Niagara Falls.

The engineers couldn’t cross the river in a boat to take the line from one side to the other because the boat would go over the falls. And the airplane hadn’t been invented yet. The distance was also way beyond the bow-and-arrow range, which had been a common method at the time of getting the first line across to build a bridge.

The designing engineer, Charles Ellet, pondered the question until he came up with a revolutionary idea. He decided that, while solving the problem, he would also have some fun and generate some publicity for the project. Ellet sponsored a kite-flying contest and offered five dollars to the first person who could fly a kite across the gorge and let it go low enough to the ground for someone to be able to grab the string. In 1849, five dollars was a prize similar to a small lottery today. The boy who won the prize relished his accomplishment until his death, nearly 80 years later.

It all began with an idea and one thin kite string. The kite string was used to pull a cord across, then a line, then a rope. Next came an iron-wire cable and then steel cables, until a structure strong enough to build a suspension bridge was in place.

I’m struck by how that string is like a single thought. The more vivid and clear the thought, and the more you come back to it, the stronger it becomes—like the string to the rope to a cable. Each time you rethink it, dwell on it, or layer it with other thoughts, you are strengthening the structure on which to build your idea, like building a bridge over Niagara Falls.

But unlike a kite, there is no string attached to how high and how far your goals may take you. They are limited only by the power of your imagination and the strength of your desire.

Denis Waitley has studied, counseled and trained leaders in virtually every field including Apollo astronauts, Olympic gold medalists, Super Bowl champions, returning POW’s, heads of state and Fortune 500 top executives. Denis is recognized as a world class speaker and author and has traveled the globe sharing success ideas and strategies to thousands of companies the past 25 years. To book Dr. Waitley to speak for your company or to be part of your upcoming Regional or National Convention send an email to speaker@deniswaitley.com or call 877-929-0439 and ask for Hilary.Share this Post

     

This is a guest post by Denis Watley.

The dictionary defines integrity in terms of soundness of moral character, adherence to ethical principles and being unimpaired. Its Middle English root is related to integrate (to bring together as a whole) and integral (complete and whole). These references to wholeness rightly suggest that integrity affects all aspects of our lives, which is why it is like a healthy investment portfolio filled with blue chip stocks such as honesty, fairness and loyalty.

Integrity that strengthens an inner value system is the real human bottom line. It means that you don’t base your decisions simply on being politically correct. You do what’s right, not what’s fashionable. You know that truth is absolute, not a device for manipulating others. And it’s not just in the major decisions that this quality is needed.

Complete integrity in little things is no little thing at all. As has been said many times, “The devil is in the details” and “elephants don’t bite, but fleas do.” There are no degrees of integrity. You have it or you don’t. Being slightly dishonest may be a safe adventure for a time. But one day, inevitably, little details will be noticed and the piper will have to be paid. Your word is more valuable than a surety bond. What you are speaks so loudly no one can really hear what you say. If what you do matches what you say, your life will speak forcefully indeed. In people, we value honesty more than any other virtue. We expect it from our leaders. We must demand it from ourselves.

This week and from now on, “seek the truth,” and “speak the truth.”

Denis Waitley has studied, counseled and trained leaders in virtually every field including Apollo astronauts, Olympic gold medalists, Super Bowl champions, returning POW’s, heads of state and Fortune 500 top executives.
Denis is recognized as a world class speaker and author and has traveled the globe sharing success ideas and strategies to thousands of companies the past 25 years. To book Dr. Waitley to speak for your company or to be part of your upcoming Regional or National Convention send an email to speaker@deniswaitley.com or call 877-929-0439 and ask for Hilary.Share this Post

     

This is a guest post by Denis Waitley.

Here’s a question for you: Can you think of a successful relationship without mutual trust?

Break that trust and you break the relationship. Subvert it and it’s almost impossible to put together again. Creating a long-term relationship takes two or more people—whether they’re executives, representatives of labor and management, or husband and wife—who are grounded in and operating on the same non-situational honesty.

The central secret of good communication is bringing the other person over to your side by satisfying one of every person’s most fundamental emotional needs: Make him or her feel valued. With rare exceptions, people who feel valued—who are allowed to feel important in the sense that they are recognized—answer with openness, cooperation and reciprocated respect. If you want respect, be respectable. If you want to be loved, be loveable. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy. If you want a lifelong relationship, listen openly to the other person’s needs. Much more than trying to accumulate money and power, leaders in the new era will acquire good will by helping their associates, customers, neighbors, and loved ones to win. Instead of what can you do for me, we need to embrace the new stewardship role of what can I do for you.

Action Idea: At the beginning of each workday, do something special for someone you work with or provide a service for. At the end of each day, say or do something positive for a family member or friend.

Denis Waitley has studied, counseled and trained leaders in virtually every field including Apollo astronauts, Olympic gold medalists, Super Bowl champions, returning POW’s, heads of state and Fortune 500 top executives.
Denis is recognized as a world class speaker and author and has traveled the globe sharing success ideas and strategies to thousands of companies the past 25 years. To book Dr. Waitley to speak for your company or to be part of your upcoming Regional or National Convention send an email to speaker@deniswaitley.com or call 877-929-0439 and ask for Hilary.Share this Post

     

This is a guest post by Denis Watley
When you seek support and feedback, be sure it is from people who are truly interested in seeing you succeed. Don’t seek feedback from fair-weather friends, competitive peers or any person who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Neutral doesn’t count. Get feedback from someone who is on your side but will still be objective and brutally honest with you.

Misery truly does love company, and jealousy creates some of the most miserable people. Surpass the achievements of your particular social crowd or your business colleagues, and look out for the slings and arrows of those who wish you were back where they are.

You have to dodge the snide remarks and catty comments. Let them roll right off you. Don’t internalize them. Only pay attention to feedback from those who have similar goals or who are working actively alongside you to achieve goals of their own.

Motives and fears run deep. Study them in others. The manager who supports you and comforts you when you’re down may like you best when you are in just that state: down and dependent. When you start succeeding beyond his expectations and comfort level, he may be among the first to get you to back off, limit your horizons and lower your goals. Recognize this feedback for the insecurity it is. It will rarely be objective or well-intentioned.

Even parents and significant family members aren’t immune to emotional conflicts that can pollute their feedback. Many relatives and siblings have difficulty accepting the success of others in the family or encouraging further success.

Ultimately, nobody is responsible for your life but you. Nobody is accountable for your actions but you. Therefore, nobody’s expectations for you and opinions about you are as important as your own. So make sure your opinions take precedence in your mind over all others, and when you do need to consult with someone else, think very carefully before you choose exactly who.

For the past forty years, Denis Watley has inspired, informed, and enlightened millions of individuals with his fifteen non-fiction books, hundreds of audio programs, and entertaining, penetrating live keynote lectures, seminars and television appearances. In addition to writing 15 books and hundreds of articles on Peak Performance and Success, Denis has written hundreds of poems and lyrics to songs, in addition to having conducted countless interviews with Peak Performers. Share this Post